I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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