just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
