yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
