i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I have post one night stand depression
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