I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
