You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i black out too much to be "responsible"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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