So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
