he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I FOUND THE LEGS
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
