My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
