i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
