8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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