ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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