Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize