I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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