i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
