FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
