i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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