cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize