Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
