You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
