MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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