getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
