aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
