you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i've created a new STD.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
