I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
