i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the high leading the old right now
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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