Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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