he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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