I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
