He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
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We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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