OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
