Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
