This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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