So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
