I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
