I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
