just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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