Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get