She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
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I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
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Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.