Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.