May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
