if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger