a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
