Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize