what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I touched a dick in church today
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
