I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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