So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
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I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
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Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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