Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
