he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
