I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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