Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
