We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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