I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
