life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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