false alarm. still invincible.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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