Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
