I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
