we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
