where does the pee come out of this thing
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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