they said they heard you say put it in my butt
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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