I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
