I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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