Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize