Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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